I would like you to applaud my restraint

I just had one of those moments where a stranger's offhanded afterthought/comment brings on a sudden, strong emotion that just grabs you by the back of the neck and clouds all thought. Whoa, there!

I'm planning a Halloween get-together for New College alums in this region, and spent this morning building an invitation. As you see, the top line reads, "New College Alumni Halloween Gathering". I sent this off to the Alumni Office to be posted and emailed out, asking if it looked OK. The very nice guy I've been working with replied that it looked "awesome" and would start going out this week, blah blah blah, signed off and then


"P.S. My only recommendation would be changing the word "alumni" to "alumnae/i" in coordination with the New College Alumnae/i Association's use of a gender-neutral alum designation, but that's really a minor point, and most entities on campus still use "alumni." One day!"


An admirable sentiment. Offhand, and clearly not critical. And it immediately got my back up. 

I wrote back explaining that while I am well aware of the issues surrounding women's rights and gender equality and that generations of women who came before me fought strenuously for (among many more important things) the recognition and inclusion of those two letters. Those women basically enabled a world in which I do not feel disempowered as a result of my sex, and ultimately paved the way for my right to rather vehemently not give a rat's... (ahem) about that "ae".

My gut reaction was that words only wield whatever power you grant them, and that "i" has no impact on me. It's just a word, it can't hurt you if you don't let it. Sticks and stones and so on. Then I thought, just suck up and be helpful - making that change is really not difficult and there are other people who DO care. So I settled my fur and convinced myself to be reasonable and made the change. And it looked like... well, I'm not going to use that sort of language here, but I didn't like it. A lot. It really did make a surprising change in the overall aesthetic. It stopped being casual and started looking like it was "trying just a little too hard" if you know what I mean, and that makes a statement of its own. One that is at odds with my personality. I am not THAT girl, I just don't care that much.

I got to the end of my e-rant, and realized that I still hadn't made up my mind whether or not to add the "ae" and that I really didn't want to. Partly because of the aesthetics and partly just to make a point. I also realized that this poor guy who doesn't know me at all was about to get blasted by my emotional non-compliance over two letters in a post script comment. I'm quite certain he didn't deserve it. So I deleted the whole email and instead sent the following:


"I made the change as suggested, but I don't like how it looks. If it's all the same, can we leave it as is?"


My restraint, it is admirable. Right up until I posted the whole thing here. Ah well.

Bikers Give Big

My Dad and I spent the afternoon volunteering at a fundraiser for the Wilmot Cancer Center. It's an annual ride featuring a Cenzi Custom bike giveaway, a Poker Run, bike show and lots of prizes. It's a great day and this year there were about 500 bikes (and about 1,000 people in attendance)! The photo above includes some Cenzi bikes, one of which won best of show.

We followed that up with a little backyard burger grilling, and I'm working on an ice-cream outing. Wish me luck!

A Weekend to Remember

This was one trip none of us will forget! You may remember groomsman Danny from last July... well, we attended his wedding this past weekend in Atlanta! Now - people always refer to Atlanta as HOTlanta, but I think we'll rename it FOGlanta. As we sat in the airport in Rochester, listening to other flights being cancelled due to (and I quote the pilot here) "poopy" weather in Atlanta, and watched people pile up at the desk to rearrange connections... we were glad of our non-stop schedule. We were also glad that our flight was NOT cancelled, merely delayed for 2.5 hours. We eventually met up at the airport with (also delayed) Novo Collegians Naomi and Kelcey, and Kelcey's husband Mike, and wound our way to Stone Mountain.

The day of the wedding dawned clear and calm, if a bit too chilly for an outdoor ceremony (once again, so much for HOTlanta). Danny called to let us know the 6PM ceremony would be moved inside, and we all met up for coffee. Long story short, with six of us (including Danny the Groom) enjoying our coffee and the view of the lake and the brisk Fall air on our fifth floor balcony, the sliding door locked behind us. After several panicky minutes and quite a bit of nervous laughter, we discovered that Kelcey had the hotel phone number saved in her cell phone (lucky it was in her pocket). So we called the front desk, and asked for someone to come let us back in. Yay for cell phones!

Fast forward through a calm and uneventful afternoon to the ceremony. The guests in their finery, men in tuxes and suits, ladies in cocktail dresses, the bride in a lovely beaded strapless gown. The stately processional, the warm welcome, the readings, the vows. The fire alarm. Yes. Fire alarm. Followed by evacuation, with outdoor temps in the forties. The most impressive thing to me was the relative calm of the bride and groom. I would have been howling! I would have stalked the empty hotel, raging at anyone I came across! But Danny was steady and calm, Shelley shed just a few quiet tears. And after the fire department came and cleared us to re-enter the building, the wedding party reassembled at the front, the smiling and laughing bride and groom RE-processed to a standing ovation, and the ceremony resumed with grace.

So how do you follow that? With cocktails and dinner and dancing to an excellent live band till they kicked us out! I must say the Hora was a first for me, and somewhat nerve-wracking (and I was just watching). Shelley looked just a little concerned as well!

So - with the couple safely married and shipped off to Cancun, we returned to our cozy nest here in Rochester. We got settled in, and when I checked my email, I discovered that some other folks have been making memories too! My friend Chloe delivered a baby girl on Friday, and my cousin Allison and her fiancé Danny popped down to the courthouse and got married on Thursday!

What a weekend!

Bridal Shower-ette Party Weekend (Are YOU in the Mood?)

This past weekend, a group of lovely ladies from across the country (and one from Canada) convened here in the Finger Lakes to do the girly thing, and celebrate my upcoming nuptials with a weekend of overindulgence (also known as the Women & Wine package). Due to the scattered nature of my social circle, there were a number of ladies who were unable to join us... and we missed you! As you look through the pictures, you will see my Maid of Honor (the famous Heidi P.), Bridesmaid Bethany (always unexpected!), my Mom, her good friend Susan (who hostessed the BBQ for us last August) and Adam's Mom, Prue.

Everyone met up here in Rochester, and drove on down to lovely Cohocton, NY, to spend a couple of days being pampered by the amazing Fran of Villa Serendip. If you ever end up doing the B&B thing in the Finger Lakes (highly recommended, by the way) - check her place out. And if she makes a restaurant recommendation, just do it. We had an endless supply of of fabulous food, some of it supplied by Fran herself.

Oh yeah, and there was a cat. Who enjoys cards. Which reminds me, we owe Fran a fresh pack of playing cards...



Things we learned over the weekend include:

1- How to tell which bread plate and water glass are yours when seated at a round table.
2- How to get rust off a cast iron skillet (this is still under debate, but salt and cooking oil seem to figure consistently).
3- Keep your silver in a plastic bag to slow the tarnishing process.
4- The easy way to open a bottle of wine with a synthetic cork (down one side of the cork).
5- How to care for your pearls (wipe with a soft cloth after wearing, and store in a soft bag).


KUDOS and many thanks to Heidi P for taking charge of the planning, and to my many loving friends and family members who contributed to the experience! It was a blast!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE HERB!

Our short stay in Ponca City coincided with Herb's 64th birthday, and Margareta made a carrot cake for the party, much to Adam's surprise and delight!

BBQ in Flower Mound

During our visit, Erlann (Kelly’s mother) organized a BBQ to celebrate the engagement and help me get to know some of Kelly’s extended family. Since we were a bit of a crowd, Barry and Susan kindly hosted the event at their lovely home in Flower Mound, TX. So many Texas towns seem to have interesting, quirky names. Mind you, I come from Quebec where people thought nothing of naming a community St. Polycarpe or St. Louis de Haha…so quirky may just be a matter of perspective.

I was a little anxious before we arrived but everyone was so gracious and friendly that, before long, I felt right at home. Erlann was even kind enough to make labeled hats so I could learn everyone's name with a minimum of embarrassment. At any rate, between the wonderful company, delicious food, and Barry’s potent margaritas, Kelly and I got some much needed relief from the frenetic pace of our visit.

Check out the photos on our Flickr page.

Filet Mignon, Please!

One more stop in the gravy train! It seems like we do nothing in Dallas but go from one meal to the next... food here is like nowhere else. In case you were not aware, Dallas is a major restaurant test market for the United States. Snuffer's was making some killer loaded cheese fries long before the Outback Steakhouse was a gleam in anybody's eye! We get some seriously good food here. That said, the dining plan for the week is even more complex than the wedding vendor appointment schedule! From Bacon & Eggs ala Erlann to barbacoa tacos at Chipotle, from the French Room at the Adolphus (that's another post entirely!) to table-side guacamole at Mariano's... excuse me while I wipe the drool off my chin...

Ah, that's better. So for one of our "must dine's" we went to Dunston's Steakhouse on Lovers Lane, where we've decided to hold the rehearsal dinner (How apropos, I hear you say). For those of you who are uninitiated, Dunston's is a Dallas Institution with a capital "I". My parents love to tell about me, age 4, asking the waitress (I think her name was Sunshine, and she was about 87) for a filet mignon medium rare and "Yes ma'am- she knows what that means and that really is what she wants to order thank you..." Needless to say Dunston's was a mainstay of my childhood. They have an open mesquite grill in the middle of the main room, where you can watch your steak cooking, and a salad bar that reminds you that salad can be comfort food, too, and certainly it needn't be healthy if you don't want it to be. At Dunston's, you know you're in Texas!

Remember I said they have an open mesquite grill? You probably won't notice till it's time to go to bed, but mesquite smoke clings...