You Can Never Go Back

It's true.

When we went back to Sarasota for the New College 50th Anniversary in 2011, I felt this. I didn't just feel it. I was staggered by it.

Funny, most of the people I was so excited to see again were people I've seen since leaving Florida anyways. And there were a surprising number of people I saw that, when confronted with their face, I realized I could have happily never seen them again. So many people that I saw through the crowds and thought, "Good lord, I forgot about YOU" with varying degrees of joy and horror. And then there were the strangers I saw chatting with "my friends" who turned out to be people I knew quite well once upon a time. Shock upon shock upon shock. As a group, we speculated about motivations... for people who made the trip to come back and for people who stayed away, as well as those who never left.

The campus was so familiar and so different all at once. Keeping in mind, this was the first time I've been back to campus since leaving Florida in 1998. Ham Center, Pei dorms and the Library bridge were all competing against newly blocked roadways, new science buildings and new dorms where once there was open green space. Drinks could still be had at the Bahi Hut, though surrounded by a very different sort of clientele than I remember from back in the day. It was actually more than a little painful to see.

Being in such familiar places and wandering among so many unfamiliar faces, brought back some of my less pleasant memories from those years and I was surprised by them. I don't know why. I suppose we do that though, don't we? We remember the good stuff and sweep the bad things under the proverbial carpet. We remember things "better" than they ever were to begin with. College was fun and I made my very best friends there, friends that to this day mean more to me than I can express. But looking back, I can see that I spent too much of that era suffocating under the weight of my own insecurities.

I can't really say whether or not I'm glad we went. I almost wish we had simply arranged our own gathering of friends somewhere that wasn't New College. I'm not sure if I will attend another reunion. Because you really can't ever go back.

Happy Howl-oween!

Left to right: Jeremy, Beth, Hannah, Kelly, David & Adam


We had a most excellent Novo Collegiate Halloween! JC and Beth (and Hannah) came and camped with us, and David drove up from Ithaca for the afternoon. David was a student of Adam's folks back in the day - blast from the past and a genuine legend! He had only just returned from the Charter Class Reunion in Sarasota, and we got an update on the current inhabitants of the Ivory Tower. From all accounts it sounds like they are keeping the spirit alive and doing their best to make us all proud. Warms the heart...

It was a little chilly right on the water, but the guys got a toasty fire going and we had some cheap red wine to help keep us warm. The s'mores helped too. Then came the howling. For real y'all... we decided it was coyotes, and Hannah was ready to party with her people! JC brought out a super cool Jack-o-Lantern, but the photos didn't do it justice so you'll just have to use your imagination.

I've only ever camped once, when I was about 10. All I remember is rocks and spiders and wanting to go home. I never really cared to repeat the experience, but this was actually quite fun! Of course we had a proper cabin, with a space heater and a double bed. And since we only stayed one night, I didn't have to use the public shower... so not really camping. Whatever it was, was fun.

I would like you to applaud my restraint

I just had one of those moments where a stranger's offhanded afterthought/comment brings on a sudden, strong emotion that just grabs you by the back of the neck and clouds all thought. Whoa, there!

I'm planning a Halloween get-together for New College alums in this region, and spent this morning building an invitation. As you see, the top line reads, "New College Alumni Halloween Gathering". I sent this off to the Alumni Office to be posted and emailed out, asking if it looked OK. The very nice guy I've been working with replied that it looked "awesome" and would start going out this week, blah blah blah, signed off and then


"P.S. My only recommendation would be changing the word "alumni" to "alumnae/i" in coordination with the New College Alumnae/i Association's use of a gender-neutral alum designation, but that's really a minor point, and most entities on campus still use "alumni." One day!"


An admirable sentiment. Offhand, and clearly not critical. And it immediately got my back up. 

I wrote back explaining that while I am well aware of the issues surrounding women's rights and gender equality and that generations of women who came before me fought strenuously for (among many more important things) the recognition and inclusion of those two letters. Those women basically enabled a world in which I do not feel disempowered as a result of my sex, and ultimately paved the way for my right to rather vehemently not give a rat's... (ahem) about that "ae".

My gut reaction was that words only wield whatever power you grant them, and that "i" has no impact on me. It's just a word, it can't hurt you if you don't let it. Sticks and stones and so on. Then I thought, just suck up and be helpful - making that change is really not difficult and there are other people who DO care. So I settled my fur and convinced myself to be reasonable and made the change. And it looked like... well, I'm not going to use that sort of language here, but I didn't like it. A lot. It really did make a surprising change in the overall aesthetic. It stopped being casual and started looking like it was "trying just a little too hard" if you know what I mean, and that makes a statement of its own. One that is at odds with my personality. I am not THAT girl, I just don't care that much.

I got to the end of my e-rant, and realized that I still hadn't made up my mind whether or not to add the "ae" and that I really didn't want to. Partly because of the aesthetics and partly just to make a point. I also realized that this poor guy who doesn't know me at all was about to get blasted by my emotional non-compliance over two letters in a post script comment. I'm quite certain he didn't deserve it. So I deleted the whole email and instead sent the following:


"I made the change as suggested, but I don't like how it looks. If it's all the same, can we leave it as is?"


My restraint, it is admirable. Right up until I posted the whole thing here. Ah well.

HOW WE MET (KELLY’S VERSION)

We met at a Pei dorm party during spring semester at New College in 1995. We had seen each other around campus (with a student body of just over 500, it would be hard not to), and even had a few mutual friends, but we hadn’t officially met.

When I was a kid, we had a family joke about the amount of time I spent in the bathroom. True to form, I officially met Adam when I knocked on his door during the party to ask if I could use his bathroom. Our first date was to see the movie Outbreak, which Adam is probably embarrassed to admit having seen. I think our second official date was to see Carmina Burana at the “Weasel”.

I will admit that the first year or so was a little rough. I suspect we argued almost as much as we laughed (that is to say quite a lot). Two only children never have it easy learning to be a pair. Lucky us – we’re still laughing (and he is very sweetly tolerant of my frequent hunts for the ladies’ room)!